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Willing Reality DailyIn Brightest Day and Blackest Night... |
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| The random, the insane. A lot of anger, a lot of silliness. Expect anything to come here, and nothing to leave here. Dreams, ambition, hope... pain, despair, and rage. Anything is possible when you're willing reality daily. |
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| Nov. 21st, 2007 @ 02:59 pm "Chicken Taters!" | |||
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Fractal Feelings:
Hehehe... mom and I were trying to get dinner done last night and she's just poured out tater tots to shvoe in the oven, and wants me to get the other part of dinner... and tells me to get the "chicken taters" ... which she MEANT to say CHicken tenders (nuggets). Sadly I ahd to process this a moment to realize it. And spent the rest of the ngiht teasing her. Still makes me smile thinking about it. Which is good, considering how incredibly frustraitng and upsetting in some ways today has been. pensiveWhispering Winds: Tommy Shaw - Outside in the Rain Feel like shit... feel a bit pensive actually. >.< Tomorow is the big Turkey day of course and I'm cooking. Handling the in and out of turkey, even though we're doing instant stuffing and mashed taters and all... pies are being cooked today... still doesn't make this easier. Just... sick still and it's eating at me. Also frustrated because I have lineart edits to do on stuff and all and it's just,,, I'm not finding my focus and mojo to do it right and like it. WHich emans I can't color. And everything needing done at this point mostly all requires me to sit and EDIT before I color the lineart. Hell even my writing uses are being fussy. No, I'm not doing NaNoWriMo. I just can't do it; every time I have, I always have things happen, and this year is already too busy. So I'm just NOT doing it. And Verizon's been a dick lately, which doesn't help my mood one damn bit. In fact, it died while writing this entry. FUck you Verizon, stop being a dickless shithead. Sometimes swearing is an answer. :B Especially when it comes ot asshat ISPs who keep dying. I HATE logging in dead into games... be it RO or WoW. I had that happen this week already. Grr grr grr. HATE dead logins when you're NOT expecting it. Reminds me, need to check for add-on updates. e.e ...I would like my instance maps back plz. I want to know where the flying fuck I was going. hehe. |
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| Nov. 20th, 2007 @ 09:44 am "What the flying fuck?" | |||
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Fractal Feelings:
WTF people, WTF... blahWhispering Winds: Tommy Shaw - COme In and Explain So someone I know linked me this. And I read it. ANd seriously... I am STILL going WTF about it. You know, it's shit enough the stuff kids do to one another already online, including this new fad with putting up videos of fighting one another (WTF people, that is NOT cool) .... but ADULTS involved in this shit. I'm sorry but supposed derogatory comments about someone si no fucking excuse to do that, your kid being called or not. That's just fucking stupid. And frankly just completely blwos me out of the water. I really do hope those dumbshits feel horrible for her death; if not, then we're ina sorry state. Humanity, that is. It also really makes me not want to HAVE kids so I don't have to deal with the petty bullshit. I'm sorry, but since when was it okay to do that shit? And no laws? I thought there was shit against abuse, which IMO that was. Anyway, I'll let that go. But damn that really just blows me away. Bad enough the morning news is depressing enough sometimes with the really dumb shit that goes down, but... ugh. Life has been life. Been sick the last week or more.. nto as severre as one incident in Nov. within the last few years, but still pretty crappy. Been productive yet now... sitll gotta call the VA and rescheudle appointments, including women's Health and mental health. Apparently I have a new doctor for Mental Health... ugh, joy. Although with some extra research after an incident of ... hyper creative energies I may have finally put the lid on the perplexion on wether it was or wasn't bipolar I suffer from. Surprise, I bet it is. After a few days a few months back of just being voerly hypercreative and just bursting with the go-juice of getting things done I went WTF because ... well, WTH that's not exactly normal for me. Not that hyper anyway... and made me wonder again. So, I did check up, and I honestly would NOT be surprised. Especially not reading old LJ entries and the same back and forth sway of emotions... that still lives on today. The crappy part is the depression is worse now then it ever was. So sucks for me. e.e .... need to make appt. the Citalopram reaslly doesn't cut it and I sort of stopped taking it too. >_> Since it wasn't really doing what I needed, and then after that just kept forgetting from being tired as hell and such. Yeha I know I am stupid in that regard. But oh well. e.e Why should I take somehting not doing the job I need it for? *stares at ceiling* Yeha, that's what I thought. Also, I hate Thanksgiving housecleaning. It's shitty and no fun and bleh. |
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| Nov. 4th, 2007 @ 09:44 am "Dear world," | |||
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Fractal Feelings:
I am very tired of many things and here is a list of a few I'd kindly like you to stop doing: pissed offWhispering Winds: Bon Jovi - One Wild Night A) Treating me like I don't know shit, such as I need to carry the 23 lb. turkey and not mom, who is wearing a neck brace because of surgery and can't lift more then 5 lbs. I KNOW this, I do not need you treating me like I'm fucking stupid. B) Acting like I can't fucking have bad days, be pissed about something, hurt, feel depressed, need to vent or anything related. I am human, I am being shoved in directions and pulled and I have my issues as well. My citalopram is failing me, and I'm moody, deal with it. Stop fucking acting like I can't hurt, ache, be upset, or angry because people keep pushing my buttons with stupid dumbass shit. C) Dumping shit on me. I'm tired of people fucking taking their goddamn bad days out on me (and then expecting me to be happy and cheery). Fuck you it doesn't work that way. And since I'm not allowed to let loose on oithers, why do you on me? I'm sure there's more but these are my top 3 aggravations right now of general bullshit. My head hurts right now, I'm very unhappy and pissed, and tired of shit. I don't need ot be fucking needled constantly and told my butt is big. Fuck you, it is not and I'm tired of fucking comments. I'm happy with myself mostly so lay the fuck off and get off your goddamn high horse. *venting* Yes, mother finally got ehr neck surgeyr and I'm going and doing ALL the fucking housework from cooking to cleaning to pet care, and everyone doesn't seem to give a flying fuck-all about me and how I FEEL. CHrist, I feel more mom now. e.e |
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| Feb. 17th, 2007 @ 11:23 pm "My head hurts." | |||
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Fractal Feelings:
And I fell again today, and scraped up my knee. My right knee. sadWhispering Winds: Nothing, because my head hurts. I wuold say more, ut I really don't have too much to say, or any real want or will to expound upon the day, other then headaches suck.' Especially the kind that aren't easily gotten rid of. |
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| Feb. 11th, 2007 @ 01:02 pm "fuck you, Rain." | |||
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Fractal Feelings:
As in, the weather. As in making the ground slick. discontentAs in fucking hydroplaning. I wasn't driving but fucking fuckity fucksticks, like we needed this shit now. Ryan's okay, I'm okay, everyone's okay but fuck. ...my knee hurts. :< My head hurts even more. Because I slept like shit and dreamt of a plane accident taking em and others I knew with it. *sigh* I need to quit thinking so much about so many thgins at once and take little steps to fixing everything before I do fall apart or worse, DO have a nervous breakdown. I'm getting far too snippish and bitchy as it is, and not getting jack done. Fuck you, rain. How dare you make one mroe negative thign happen in this already shitty time. |
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| Feb. 5th, 2007 @ 10:47 pm "..." | |||
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Fractal Feelings:
I wish 4 years ago never happened. Specifically, going into the Navy. Nothing has been right since, and all I've had and caused are problems. sad |
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| Jan. 25th, 2007 @ 01:14 pm "Oh yeah, that holiday thing..." | |||
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Fractal Feelings:
I suppose I should comment on Christmas. It was a good one this year, aside the normal spazzing beforehand, and post-holiday blues after. I suppose I made out like a bandit, compared to some years. Least in getting what I actually wanted, which DID include clothing this year. (I've gained weight, some new pants helps. I LIKE breathing okay? And for the record, I am not fat, nor will I say I am. It's not THAT much, sheesh. I am not vain, either. IN fact, having said weight helps with blood drawing for tests. Less dizzy dizzy.) ditzyWhispering Winds: Glen Burtnik - Bam! First and foremost, Ryan got my Final Fantasy XII and Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria. Neither fo which I've touched yet! Go figure, eh? =D Need to free the PS2/have time. But I HAVE them. Neener beneener. From there, the ONE gift i really wanted and got, was Glen Burtnik's Return to Hollywood. YES, I FINALLY have it, K. And Oh... My.... GOD. LOVE. I haven't played with the DVD aspect yet, but OMGOMGOMG. MUSIC = LOVE. I absolutely love listening to Bam!, and When the Shit Hits the Fan is awesome too. The version of Kiss Your Ass Goodbye is decent, though I think I like the Styx version a wee bit more. And Super Boy is pretty awesome, and and and... and I love the album. :3 From there, it was a lot fo clothes-related thgins I wanted/needed. Socks, for one. Undies. (Since mine are either non-fitting/uncomfortable, or simply MISSING. Liekly the bed monster ate them.) 2 pair of slacks. A nice warm white bathrobe... >3 The food as always was good, and for once the holiday didn't seem to erupt into chaos from talking. So that was good. =.= I hate when holidays get marred by lame discussion arguments. On the topic of weight, I probably should lose a few pounds/inches, just because of my knees. And that was recommended not to gain more recently, and I don't think I have. I need to see when my next appts. are and arrange for transport to them, sicne they're all daytime when Ryan works now. So I need to bother myself into finding out and getting that done. And also call and nag about my non-callback on my therapy thing. e.e And find out WTF my goddamn Ibuprofen refill # is so I can GET A DAMN REFILL. >| On the plus side, I only have my period 4x a year now. 3 month BC cycle, mostly to help control my moods, as I would get SUPER bitchy before, and depressed after. The less death-cramps per year is icing on the cake. XD!!! Also, my current cycle makes me start on the weekend usually, which is good, cause then it's not on the 'average' weekday. Now if only I ahd a job to go with that.... |
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| Jan. 24th, 2007 @ 04:44 pm O_O FOOD | |||
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Fractal Feelings:
I ate REAL SOLID FOOD TODAY! chipperI am happy. And now I am tired. And headachish. And I want to get thgins done. And blah. |
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